That's right HN fans, only a scant 25 years since the advent of portable mobile cellular phones ("cell phones" for those hip to the slanguage of the times), Bassist Joe Crespo has caved to overwhelming societal pressure to purchase a functional speaking device.

To be fair to Crespo, this is not the bassist's first portable phone. Indeed, Joe first started working with a vintage military field telephone powered by a crank and backpack. While this device was both cumbersome and unwieldly, Crespo only abandoned this project when he tired of referring to himself as "Juliet Oscar Echo Charlie Romeo Echo Sierra Papa Oscar" and finishing each sentence with "Over."

Inspired by a late night cable viewing of Oliver Stone's seminal 80's flick "Wall Street," Crespo next employed a 1980's style mobile telephone roughly the size of a large man's shoe. While smaller and lighter than the military phone, this new device had its own drawbacks: despite improved voice quality, Crespo could not venture out into the streets with the phone without frat-douches quoting Gordon Gekko lines or offering to buy him Red Bulls.

With his spirit appropriately broken, Crespo gave in and purchased a small, cheap, and practical cell phone. To him we say, "Congrats." Now if we can only get him to give up his Ford Model T and collection of Stove-pipe hats, we might have a thoroughly modern man on our hands.